Hopes and Expectations

No matter how bad you want something, if it is not God's will, it ain't gonna happen.

I'm fairly certain I am learning that the hard way. Through no one's fault but my own of course. I get so involved with something that I begin to expect certain things or try to will something to happen. It most definitely seems worth it in the thick of things. But where does it leave you in the end? Standing alone, with a handful of broken dreams.

The secular world, and Christians alike (myself included), live by the motto, "My will be done." There is no place for this kind of selfishness in God's world. I think Paul makes it quite clear in Romans chapter twelve that we are not to live our lives in such a manner.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2 NIV

Praying about the situation does not imply that it will happen or that your hopes/dreams will come to fruition. Especially if your prayer sounds anything like this, "Lord, please allow/cause/make this happen." I have learned this in the distant and also immediate past. I have learned to pray about the situation seeking an answer, not my answer, but any answer in accordance with God's will. Even now as I write this I have a deep longing - a yearning so to speak for a handful of things. But, I will only pray for wisdom and the Lord's guidance as the particular situations progress.

God is a supreme being, but not one who lusts after control for power's sake. God wants our trust to be in him. Trust that God knows what is absolutely best for us. Trust that,

"...in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 NIV

The more I think about it, I am relieved to know that I am not in control over my own life. The instances in which I have tried, I've messed up big time.

"Our Lord did not ask us to give up the things of earth, but to exchange them for better things."

-Fulton J. Sheen

- J. Van

A Hopeless Search for Happiness in Materialism

I promise this bad habit of only posting once a month will not continue for much longer.

That being said, I would like to talk about materialism. Mainly in the context of my own life. I had done some contemplation on the subject in my own life last summer and into the fall and, though it has improved, I am nowhere close to where I should be in such regards. I started thinking about it again recently while listening to a sermon on the radio by James McDonald; he was speaking on Psalm 23 and the soul. This is the particular statement that stood out, "The wanting of things depletes the soul's strength." I would like to take that a step further and say that the acquisition of things does nothing to replenish it.

I think I have tried to fill my feelings of sadness and loneliness with stuff. Wal-mart runs at 10:00 pm on a Friday night to buy a movie and maybe a cheap shirt. Can you say instant gratification?...For the two hours the movie lasts and the one or two times I wear the shirt. Sure it brings some happiness but for only a short time. I bought a car (my 3rd) last summer. There was really nothing particularly wrong with the one I had, but I thought it would make me happy. The car broke down on the way home the day I bought it. It has since been towed six times. I did not have it for my entire Christmas break. Despite that, I still struggle with this materialistic nonsense. Why the hell do I have this gross misconception that things, meaningless things, will bring me happiness, or furthermore joy.

That's what I want; joy. The kind that only God can give. I was searching through Psalms and David talks about joy on numerous occasions. Psalm 30:11 says this, "You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy"

So I will continue to work toward that change. I will seek joy in the Lord and not in the 'almighty' dollar and what I can get with it. I need to love that which will love me back.

I end with this quote,
"Joy is prayer - Joy is Strength - Joy is Love - Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls."

- Mother Teresa

-J. Van

Patience

Wow, has it really been almost a month since I last posted? Time flies when you're procrastinating.

I would like to start off with a few passages about patience.

"A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense."
Proverbs 19:11

"The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride."
Ecclesiastes 7:8

Moving back home to take classes at MCCC was a tough decision. Especially after spending a full year away at Geneva. With the help of cheap movies from wal-mart I made it trough the first semester alright. This semester, until recently, has been an entirely different story. I believe that God has been teaching me two things, 1) God is the only one I need and 2) I need to trust in him and have patience in all things. Sounds simple, right?

Obviously there had to be some sort of process that would bring me to truly understand these things. First, friends failed me. There were times when I felt so low and lonely, but no one was there to talk to. God is always right there. There is never a 'wrong' time to talk to God. You will never inconvenience God by talking to him. I can recall numerous occassions where I cried out to God saying "Take away this lonliness," "Fill this emptiness." And he has. Thank you THRIVE members who have been and continue to be part of God's work in my life.

Second, I feel as though there are certain unresolved issues in some of my relationships. It's that thing that keeps the friendship from going to another level. You could be having the time of your life with those people, but the thought is in the back of your head. This is where I need patience. Patience that the frienships will be restored. Maybe I just need to forgive. Then again, It is hard to forgive someone who doesn't think they have done anything wrong. It is rather clear that I need to spend a great deal of prayer and time in God's word on this matter.

"Patience serves as a protection against wrongs as clothes do against cold. For if you put on more clothes as the cold increases, it will have no power to hurt you. So in like manner you must grow in patience when you meet with great wrongs, and they will then be powerless to vex your mind."
-Leonardo da Vinci

-J. Van

Blessed in a moment of stupidity

I already mentioned briefly, very briefly, that I was recently in Kansas. I was there visiting Sterling College where I plan to set up shop next semester. Got a pretty cheap round trip ticket to Kansas City with a layover in St. Paul on my way there and Detroit on the way back. I was joyfully greeted by Joe and later his, then girlfriend, now fiance Aly.

Me and Joe had always joked about me going to school out there, but it was always just that. It hit me sometime early last semester that it might be as real possibility. I was researching based on major and tuition costs. Most of my leads were in the southeastern part of the country. But, I was sure to keep Sterling in the picture. I ended up only applying to Sterling. I got my acceptance letter early this semester and was beyond excited. It did not take long for me to start planing my visit.

I guess a few days leading up to my leaving (3/13) I was super nervous, partially because I had been scheduled for a baseball tryout, but mainly due to the fact that I had gone through this whole process without even once praying and asking God if this was where he wanted me to go. I was more or less expecting to get there and feel so out of place and so unaccepted. That could not be any further to how the visit went. I was immediately embraced (some physically others socially) and made apart by Joe's friends. I think maybe by the second day, I knew that this was where I was supposed to be/go. What a blessing. There is no way that I deserved that feeling of belonging. God could have let that be the most miserable time. But he didn't.

So, as I sit here extremely lonely; I am clinging to the possibilities to come in the middle of nowhere.

God is good, all the time.
All the time, God is good.

-J. Van

Compare and Contrast

Everyone has encountered and completed their share of compare and contrast questions. It was big in high school history and it so continues in my current college philosophy class.
Why do people feel as though they must compare and contrast themselves with others? So what if you are "better" than him or her, or everyone for that matter? What makes you "better" anyway? You're more attractive than they are? Depends on who is looking at you.
The only reason I can write about this is because I do it all the time. However, it never ends well. It always leaves me feeling inadequate and weak in every possible way. Probably due to the fact that those who I compare myself to are not worth striving to be like. Though we can never fully achieve equality with Christ; he is the only one worth striving to be like.
I am currently rereading a book which we studied deeply in my Bible class senior year. In it the author, James Sire, quotes a man by the name of Helmut Thielicke. This quote really helps drive home my point. "God does not love us because we are so valuable; we are valuable because God loves us."

-J. Van

Back to Philly

Left Sterling, KS at approximately 12 p.m. (central time) and 12 hours later found myself back home. I could only laugh at all the "businessmen" on the planes with their cellphones in hand while complaining because we have not yet departed. It is funny, and yet aggravating, at how much of a difference the effect of traffic can have on someone in the middle of Kansas versus the middle of Philadelphia, PA.
I desire to live a simpler life. And I can accomplish that in Kansas. Don't get me wrong, I like my things. However, I do not like the go go go lifestyle. It stresses me out beyond all measure. In fact, the three weeks leading up to my spring break I was barely managing 2 hours of sleep a night. Praise the Lord that Monday (3/9) night's service was about anxiety. I slept like a baby that night.
So, here I am back in Philly, hoping to avoid the anxiety I have been carrying all too long.

g'nite kids.

-J. Van