Blessed in a moment of stupidity

I already mentioned briefly, very briefly, that I was recently in Kansas. I was there visiting Sterling College where I plan to set up shop next semester. Got a pretty cheap round trip ticket to Kansas City with a layover in St. Paul on my way there and Detroit on the way back. I was joyfully greeted by Joe and later his, then girlfriend, now fiance Aly.

Me and Joe had always joked about me going to school out there, but it was always just that. It hit me sometime early last semester that it might be as real possibility. I was researching based on major and tuition costs. Most of my leads were in the southeastern part of the country. But, I was sure to keep Sterling in the picture. I ended up only applying to Sterling. I got my acceptance letter early this semester and was beyond excited. It did not take long for me to start planing my visit.

I guess a few days leading up to my leaving (3/13) I was super nervous, partially because I had been scheduled for a baseball tryout, but mainly due to the fact that I had gone through this whole process without even once praying and asking God if this was where he wanted me to go. I was more or less expecting to get there and feel so out of place and so unaccepted. That could not be any further to how the visit went. I was immediately embraced (some physically others socially) and made apart by Joe's friends. I think maybe by the second day, I knew that this was where I was supposed to be/go. What a blessing. There is no way that I deserved that feeling of belonging. God could have let that be the most miserable time. But he didn't.

So, as I sit here extremely lonely; I am clinging to the possibilities to come in the middle of nowhere.

God is good, all the time.
All the time, God is good.

-J. Van

Compare and Contrast

Everyone has encountered and completed their share of compare and contrast questions. It was big in high school history and it so continues in my current college philosophy class.
Why do people feel as though they must compare and contrast themselves with others? So what if you are "better" than him or her, or everyone for that matter? What makes you "better" anyway? You're more attractive than they are? Depends on who is looking at you.
The only reason I can write about this is because I do it all the time. However, it never ends well. It always leaves me feeling inadequate and weak in every possible way. Probably due to the fact that those who I compare myself to are not worth striving to be like. Though we can never fully achieve equality with Christ; he is the only one worth striving to be like.
I am currently rereading a book which we studied deeply in my Bible class senior year. In it the author, James Sire, quotes a man by the name of Helmut Thielicke. This quote really helps drive home my point. "God does not love us because we are so valuable; we are valuable because God loves us."

-J. Van

Back to Philly

Left Sterling, KS at approximately 12 p.m. (central time) and 12 hours later found myself back home. I could only laugh at all the "businessmen" on the planes with their cellphones in hand while complaining because we have not yet departed. It is funny, and yet aggravating, at how much of a difference the effect of traffic can have on someone in the middle of Kansas versus the middle of Philadelphia, PA.
I desire to live a simpler life. And I can accomplish that in Kansas. Don't get me wrong, I like my things. However, I do not like the go go go lifestyle. It stresses me out beyond all measure. In fact, the three weeks leading up to my spring break I was barely managing 2 hours of sleep a night. Praise the Lord that Monday (3/9) night's service was about anxiety. I slept like a baby that night.
So, here I am back in Philly, hoping to avoid the anxiety I have been carrying all too long.

g'nite kids.

-J. Van